By A Nose...

Another classic comedic scene worth transcribing...

This one comes from the movie "Roxanne", with Steve Martin and Daryl Hannah. Based on the play "Cyrano de Bergerac", it tells the story C.D. Bales (Martin), a man who is charming with the women, who demonstrates an impressive intellect, who is well-liked by nearly everyone, but whose most evident characteristic is his hideously immense nose.
Mocked at a bar in town by a drunken barfly with the IQ of asparagus - Big Nose! the man says - C.D. takes on the challenge of exposing the creative potential of being face to face with such a frightening facial feature. Twenty jokes is the bet, but Martin´s character outdoes himself in this scene!

- C.D. Bales:

Obvious: Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?
Meteorological: Everybody take cover! She's going to blow!
Fashionable: You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger. Like ... Wyoming.
Personal: Well, here we are. Just the three of us.
Punctual: Alright Dellman... Your nose was on time but you were fifteen minutes late!
Envious: Oooo, I wish I were you! Gosh... To be able to smell your own ear!
Naughty: Pardon me, Sir. Some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away.
Philosophical: You know... It's not the size of a nose that's important. It's what's in it that matters.
Humorous: Laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze and it's goodbye Seattle!
Commercial: Hi, I'm Earl Scheib and I can paint that nose for $39.95!
Polite: Ah... Would you mind not bobbing your head? The orchestra keeps changing tempo.
Melodic: Everybody! "He's got the whole world in his nose."
Sympathetic: Oh, What happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God?
Complimentary: You must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on.
Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides?
Obscure: Oh, I'd hate to see the grindstone.
Inquiry: When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid?
French: Say, the pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave!
Pornographic: Finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once!
Religious: The Lord giveth and He just kept on giving, didn't He?!
Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair?
Paranoid: Keep that guy away from my cocaine!
Aromatic: It must be wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee ... in Brazil.
Appreciative: Oooo, how original. Most people just have their teeth capped.
Dirty: Your name wouldn't be... Dick, would it?

Brilliant. Just brilliant.